Regaining trust
by Bloody masterpeace
Summary: This is an AU! Once a window is broken into a million pieces you can not put it together again. All you are left with is the tiny shards needed to be picked up and thrown away. But it's hard to pick the pieces up, it hurts too much, but it hurts even more if left alone.


This AU Hetalia meaning Alternate universe, they are all human

I do not own hetalia, if I did everyone would know by its crappiness

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Regaining trust

I am a complete idiot. Doing things I knew would hurt him yet continuing on, knowing and suspecting everything I had accomplished would fall prey to a baseball accidentally thrown at the window. We can't change the past no matter what and no matter how much we try, what's done is done. I for one wished things didn't end up like this; broken down and destroyed, all because of me.

The four of us, me and Lud, and Daisy and Lovino used to always play. We were always happy to be together. I was the oldest of the group and I was of course put in charge of the young ones by our grandparents who seemed to have this strange love-hate relationship. But I was content and didn't mind I've always loved adorable things.

Lovino never really joined in when we did anything just kind of looked on from the sidelines, keeping watch over his little sister, anyone who didn't know them would assume they were twins. Lovino never admitted that he had any feelings for her, in general he never admitted to have feelings, we all knew though, how much he cared for the little brown headed girl.

As we grew we began to hit puberty, Lud acknowledge that Daisy was not just some girl he used to roll around in the mud with, she was Daisy, his first love. I was extremely jealous and annoyed when he had come around and told me, I felt like I was loosing him to some chick.

I tried ignoring Daisy to get her to hate me but all she did was think I hated her, she was good at saying how she felt and she told me that she would try to be a better friend. As I looked at her pale, soaked face, and burning red cheeks I gave up. How can I continue to hurt one of the most adorable people I have met, besides of course, my beloved little brother.

Even though I had decided I would treat her like I have always done I couldn't help feeling jealous once in a while. Lud was terrible at art and wanted to do better since daisy was so artistic. He started taking lessons from her, knowing full well how skilled I was in the subject. I after all had drawn out the design for the tatoo on my left shoulder. It was similar to the bird on the Prussian flag with just a bit more exciting colors.

I still remember the time, clear as day, when my little Lud asked me if there was something special about my left arm, considering how much I admired the Prussian flag calling it awesome and absolutely stunning. I was waiting and hoping for him to ask ever since in I had got it done.

"Big brother," he had started to ask in his voice that had started to grow deeper as the days passed by. "Why is it that you chose that place for your tatoo."

I smirked before saying "It was the arm you always used to hang on when you were younger."

He smiled gently before punching me in the gut and walking off. It hurt badly but I didn't mind too much after all, the smile had told me that he was happy with my answer.

In highschool I had made two best friends, one was Elizaveta Héderváry, who soon became my lovely abusive girlfriend whom I loved more than my precious blonde munchkin, and Rodrick Edelstein who became the punching bag for my words. I figured Eliza must have thought it was her duty to protect the rich, frail, piano player because every time I had found it fun to say to something Rodrick, I became the punching bag for her fists. I had no thoughts of her falling for the guy because I knew how much she loved me.

But I must have overestimated her love for me because 3 years after going out she had called me out for a date about her new refound feelings for the man she shielded for all those years.

"I will always love you," she began while I held back tears knowing where this headed. "but after a while I realized it was not the same love as the love I truly feel for Rodrick." She looked straight at me guilt written all over her face.

"W-why does it have to be that frugal b**tard?!" I closed my eyes anticipating a punch that never came. I looked back up at her exotic face watching as her strawberry colored and cherry flavored lips formed into a sympathetic smile.

"I'm sorry." Was all that she could muster out. I knew she had planned out a whole scenario in her head that was just the type of person she was, but it was obvious it hadn't gone as she had hoped. It was probably because she never realized how much of an emotional baby I was.

"Was it that bad? The special times we had going up to that field we named ours?" By this time I had turned my voice low into a whisper realizing the aura emitting from different eyes around the café we currently resided in.

One of us would call the other when we knew the field would be empty of any passerby and then grabbed our gear to head down to the flower covered area where we would meet.

We would wrestle for hours until the sweat soaked through our gear and dripped to the ground forming mud puddles at our feet. The stars usually would have come out already by the time we decided to strip down and lie on the grass giving each other enough space to stretch out our arms and legs. As we looked up at the vast sea of lights we whispered words to each other so softly that not even the ants underneath our sore bodies could hear. After a while when she figured we had both cooled down enough she laied down next to me on her side and started kissing me, starting at the neck slowly making her way toward my waiting lips. Sometimes we would stop there and she would just lay her head down on my chest for about an hour just looking up at the stars making up strange names for beautiful fiery masses of fire, and other times we would make sweat blissful love.

"No!" She yelled loudly seeming to have remembered the same things as I, because her soft tanned cheeks had begun to be tinted with a light shade of pink. "Those memories are ours and ours alone! The memories so sweetly resting forever in a part of my mind that will always be there. Never touched upon but never forgotten." She finished her words in that sweet and innocent yet erotic and desirable voice I yearned to hear everyday.

"What is the need to remember something so simple as the things we've done together when you will be living new memories with that sophisticated idiot." I scoffed, when in all reality it was to cover up being so beaten up inside.

She sniffled and let the tears drip from her face, I obviously was not the only one not taking all of this in the correct way. But she kept quiet without letting the rage get the better of her as if she was telling me that she understand but I needed to say what I felt correctly because the way I was speaking hurt. So I corrected myself clearing my throat before I began.

"I'm sorry," the redness in my face showed up brightly against my pale skin. I was never one to say what I truly felt, in a way I was kind of like Lovino. "I'm just taking out my anger that I feel toward myself out on you, when all that I want is for you to be happy. I feel like I am a dirty rag, all I am is useless now and I couldn't even keep you happy. I'm so disappointed in my self." I lowered my head in frustration, I couldn't go on any further, I didn't know how.

I looked up surprised as I felt a soothing breath on my neck. "You are an amazing man or an awesome man as you put it." She whispered in my ear wrapping her arms around my slumped shoulders. I could tell she was smiling by the tone in her voice it was always so comforting and all that I could think about was how much I would miss it.

I let out a soft whimper still trying to hold back my tears allowing a few to run down my high boned cheeks. She continued speaking her tone still soothing as ever "You were my first love and my first partner remember that. There is nothing that could ever change something so important, so life changing. You played a large roll in my life and will continue to have always played the largest and most powerful part." She let go, kissing one of the salty tears that had escaped from my grasp and walked away leaving me alone. There was nothing else she could tell me.

She was my epitome of beauty and love and I was her first, both equal in feeling and understanding.

I went home that night hoping he was there to comfort me and to tell me to man up. But he wasn't, so I curled up into a ball on the couch thinking to myself that I liked being alone anyways. My thoughts though were cut short by the knocking at the door.

Too lazy to ask who it was I opened the door revealing a smiling Daisy. When she realized how miserable I looked with sweat dripping from my face she lead me to the couch as she walked into the kitchen to make me something nice to eat and drink.

She sat down next to me putting the food tray on m lap. She listened intensively as I blabbed on about the earlier happenings. She wasn't as harsh as as my little brother and the words that came out of her mouth weren't as effective as his would be, but she would do for now.

When I was done complaining and eating I laied my head on her chest as she caressed my naturally white hair. I took pride in being albino, I thought my pale skin, red eyes, and white hair made me look cooler thus, making me more awesome.

I still remember regrettably what I asked of her that night while my head was still spinning and I could not think properly. She was a little shocked but she just looked into my eyes with hers, nodding her head, and letting a gentle smile form on her lips.

I had continued to rely on her from then on until she broke down. She couldn't take it anymore and fell in front of the one person that I wished hadn't known about us. I didn't blame her though, it was my fault for what happened, I had mentally pushed her to the breaking point.

Lovino decided it was best to take her and live with their mother in Italy but not before he yelled, cursed, and kicked me in my baby maker. Because it seemed that the mental guilt I held onto and the hate coming off my precious brother didn't seemed to be enough for the 'uncaring' brother, but I didn't get angry at him, I took it, I had deserved it. I deserved everything bad happening to me during this life time.

Now on to present day, to present me, on my present bed, looking up at the ceiling, one hand on my forehead, and the other reaching upwards. Tomorrow was Eliza's wedding and I am her best man, well technically I would be her maid of honor since I was doing all the things one with such a name would do and will continue to do on the day of the wedding, but there was no way I would let any one call me that. I had hoped she would be asking Daisy since she was coming back for the wedding but I had no such luck. I was Eliza's best friend after all and she could have no one else take on such a big part besides her best friend.

I figured Lud had refused to come considering he wasn't here, it made sense, I would not want to see me either after what I did. Even though it's been a year, we have not seen each other whats so ever. I still just really don't know what do, it is impossible to repair broken glass after it has been broken into millions of pieces. I have yet to clean up the shards at my feet, I understand I should throw it all away and forget but I just can't. How could I throw away all the memories of something so sweet and innocent. The moments he had clung to me and looked up with that face that showed me how much I meant to him. I want to be able to put this window back together but it's impossible, it's already too broken. It hurts, broken glass is painful.

The wedding had gone well I couldn't keep my eyes of the milky brunette, she was, as she always has been so exotic. I was happy just by looking at her happiness, her smile was brighter than the whitest star. Eliza really did belong with that frail man's man, she was at the pinnacle of joy and he was also happy. I had unconsciously smiled at them up on the altar, when I finally realized; I couldn't stop, I didn't want to. She broke her stare away from her groom for a second to quickly smile back at me.

When after they had fed each other ever so carefully as to not make a mess of their faces or their clothing, I took both of their heads and pushed them into their pieces of cake. She of course chased after me with a frying pan, where she had gotten it no one would know or should I say wanted to know. Even in her heels and her long pure dress she caught up to me but instead of hitting me with the pan she wiped her mouth with my suit.

I couldn't hold back my laugh she was too much for me to handle.

She looked up at my grinning face, happy and a little disappointed I was able to move on. Unlike what she thought though, I actually had not gotten over her, I still loved her as much as ever, her happiness was mine as well.

I helped her up, handing her my handkerchief while leading her to her new husband

I whispered into her ear something with two meanings one serious and one joking. She took it ever so sweetly with the handkerchief against her chest. She knew the real meaning, she after all was the one who knew me best.

She took Rodrick's face in her hands softly removing the cream of his face with the hankie. He took mine and moved it toward an open area or more like pushed it to where I saw a fidgeting blonde young man.

"You should make your own happiness rather than just using ours." He used the frustrated tone he always used toward me as if I never understood anything.

"I can't, it's all over now you can't fix a broken window. The shards are already in front of me covered in the blood from my past sins."

Eliza giggled at my strange anology before giving me hope "Maybe he is just waiting for you to come to him." She placed her hands on my shoulders and turned me around, pushing me toward the path toward where he stood. "The mind works in mysterious ways."

I clenched my jaws and my hands into a fist, we made eye contact for the first time in a year. I walked toward him as he turned to get away. I picked up the pace to try to catch up. Even without the words they had told me it was time to clean up the mess I made. I wasn't gonna let him get away from me.

I was now running after him, he who runs everyday had an advantage over me who barely took the time to get out, but I wasn't going to give up.

It was cold, I didn't grab my coat, I feel like I'm going to freeze, it was said that it was going to rain, I am glad it didn't.

"Ludwig!" I yelled at the top of my lungs to the man who seemed to be a ten miles away. I only called him by his full name when I was determined by the task at hand, I hope he understands.

He stopped dead in his tracks and brought his hands up to his face. I reached out toward him mumbling inaudibly, I could barely even understand what I was saying. I wanted to apologize to him about everything, it just wouldn't come out.

While I was stiff he turned around water falls of tears dripping of his face. I don't even know what was going on any more. He was on his knees apologizing, he was apologizing to me.

I feel like I am reading some out of character, romance, fanfiction.

"I- I am so sorry! It was all my fault." He didn't even bother to wipe his tears, he just gripped his knees so tight his pants ripped and he began to bleed. I was still standing there, I was a deer in headlights about to be hit by a head on collision.

"I started putting these thoughts in her head, Elizaveta's, that she would be… be better with Rodrick. I was afraid you would be taken away from me by a psychopathic, abusive, insensitive, chick. I ruined everything."

I started laughing in between hard and strong sobs of complete hopelessness. This was so not awesome, in all honesty though, I didn't f**king care.

"For the first time in my life," I started after telling him I was also sorry and immature, " I realized that people aren't windows and their problems aren't baseballs either. We are human, with human problems.

I reached out for his wrist and pulled him up. "Me and you are brothers, we will forever have our up and downs it is only natural."

"Did you not know, brother, you can replace windows." He smiled, the tears finally dried from our faces.

We put our arms around each others shoulders, walking toward an unknown future. We are brothers, best friends, and arch enemies, as long as we stick together through everything we can go on with our stupid human selves.

Putting my free right arm and my hand into a fist I yelled loud and clear; "Bros over hoes, B**ches!" I wanted the whole world to know for at least now I love my little brother more than anything.

We laughed the longest and the hardest we have ever had in our lives. I will forever stand next to him, even when it is time to let him go to some beautiful woman, which one day I know I will have to, I will continue to look over him. We after all are best of brothers, when I feel like he hates me I will know he feels the same way about me, and we'll get over that, replacing the broken window each time.

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Please review I would really appreciate hearing what you all have to say! Thankyou!


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